Wednesday, December 18, 2013

My stated sandwich agenda is the same as my subliminal one

Somewhere on the planet Earth at this very moment, a sandwich is being born.

And this is an amazing thing, because sandwiches are the perfect foods. Without a doubt, you can't go wrong with a sandwich.

Now, you may wonder: why sandwiches?

Don't fret, I'll tell you. You see, a sandwich is portable and handheld. It can be any combination or configuration of foods, for better or for worse, between two pieces of bread or whatever.

Wait. "Whatever?"

I remember a sandwich that had two fried chicken breasts as the bun. Or another that used a donut, or a patty melt that used two grilled cheese sandwiches as the bun. Yeah, it happened.

Can't understand why you would want to get rid of regular bread, aside from maybe a gluten allergy. Or maybe you're on one of those carb-free diets, which sucks because you can't eat sandwiches. But I'm wavering from the point.

Heart attacks probably will put a stop to this activity.

Everybody, everywhere, who ate one of those chicken-bun sandwiches will probably get a clogged artery and kick the bucket. I don't have the exact figures on cholesterol content, but I'm sure I'm right.

So yeah.

Really, though, besides all that business, you are always on a path to victory with these open-source culinary delights. They make great party snacks, or quick meals.

Under a blue sky? Take a sandwich and have a picnic. Indoors? Sandwiches work there as well.

Legends of sandwiches will outlive all of us. Scholars from the future will look back on us and call us the "Sandwich Age." We will be the wise philosophers of old, to a future age, because we made food better!

Except for the chicken-bun sandwiches. I really hope history disregards those.

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